I don't want to get wrapped up in numbers. I see how easy that can be when you are anew blogger, but the Lord told me to write this blog for Him. Don't make an idol out of it. I will admit it is fun to see how many people read the posts. I really don't get caught up in the page views anymore because half of them were mine! LOL In the beginning I didn't know you could turn off the tracking of your own page views so......I am learning! :-) Everyone that knows me knows I am not a very outspoken person (unless I am upset, lol) I prefer to be in the background. Blogging has given me the outlet to share things I wouldn't normally share. It's given me a voice. I love it!! :-)
I also started this blog with the intention of making a little money. I began with posting ads, but it felt weird, and didn't look very good (to me). I know I probably could've changed the design, but one day I felt the Lord whisper to take them off. I'm like huh?? "Lord we can use any extra money we can get" (not that I would've made a ton, but a few extra dollars would help). He said "Remove the ads, don't prostitute your blog". WOW!!! Again, HUH Lord??????. Now please do not take any offense if you do this. Everyone makes blogs for different reasons, and maybe I will get clearance later to do that. Believe me, I ignored Him for a few days. It didn't make sense. I mean we are supposed to try to increase right? Well, for me He said no. Again I certainly, by no means at all judge anyone that does that. Every time I see one of those pretty blogs with all those ads, I think, wow they are probably getting checks every month. Even if it's a small amount, it's something!! All I could think is how much money could I make. He resounds with "I am your provider". Ok.....
I know this is part of my lesson of learning to trust Him. I am so used to having money to do what we need, or what we think we need! Being on one income is hard work!!!! There are many, many, many days that I struggle with thoughts of going back to work. But I have to count up the cost with that.....daycare, bugging my mom to pick up my kids from school, school holidays etc. I miss the security of that paycheck once a month. I HATE having to tell my kids they can't get those shoes, that game, we can't drive all over town because we have to save gas, no going out to eat often. It's not fun at all. They get tired of hearing it, and I get tired of saying it, but that's the way it is. I guess that's why I am not working. Was all that extra income really being put to good use, or was it fun money?? We are tithers and givers but what were doing with all that money after that. It went something like this.......Ok God, we have done our duty by giving to you, NOW LETS SHOP!!!!!! Uh no. Wrong answer. That's what we did though. We shopped and ate our money. Now I have to plan and evaluate spending for every dollar, since I have been given the wonderful task of budgeting it all. We budget and it's hard to stick with it most times, but I have too. I have to account for everything. It's not FUN!!! And it takes TIME! I get jealous when I see people eating out with their families, and see my kids faces when their friends get that new thing they have been wanting. I worry alot but we know what God says about that. In His Words he tells me, I Got This!! Trust me!! You won't see your situation change until you TRUST ME!! Don't get me wrong, there are occasional treats but not nearly as often as before. I used to be able to run to the store and get whatever, whenever. Maybe that was the problem! Were we really better off before? From a natural standpoint most would say yes, but spiritually how were we?
I believe God is preparing us for a blessing beyond our dreams. But I also know we have to be prepared to handle that blessing. Our mindsets have to change or we will be in the same predicament as before. More money but still living paycheck to paycheck. I am understanding more and more what it means to renew your mind. I thank God all of our needs are met. Now before anyone says, "well they probably get food stamps, so whats the big deal"?? Well I will answer that, yes we do, but $36.00 a month for a family of five doesn't go far!! Everything else has to be budgeted for or waited on. The majority of our bills are paid each month on time (or pretty close) I do get to take the kids to McDonald's or Jack in the Box once in awhile. God has raised up people to help us in difficult times. I know this probably sounds like a pity party, but it's not. I just do what I can in the natural, and God handles the rest. I have learned to be creative with things, and we have all learned to be content. It's purging us of needing gratification and things from the world. Half of the things we think we "need" are not needs once we have to wait on them. God has to be our source now. But I can say without a doubt we will know how to manage our boatload when it comes in!!! :-) Until then we wait, we pray, we praise, we give thanks, we are grateful.
I was really excited this past week, because for the first time in a long time we made it to the next paycheck with a little money left over, and a little in our savings. Sooooooo much better than meeting the next week with a negative balance praying that nothing is needed before the next payday. I have to say that God is soooooo awesome and such a good provider that when we have one of those weeks and I am in FULL panic mode, it's amazing how the gas in both the cars lasts, food lasts, and nothing runs out! I am expecting to have to buy something, but nope. It never runs out!! To the point where I don't have to spend any money. And we make it to the next payday!! I know it has everything to do with the tithing principal. But God still calls us to be good stewards over what we have. We are working on that!! I have even prayed for God to take away my desire to shop, still working on that, but it's coming along!! LOL :-)
Today started out as a blah kind of day. I didn't wake up in the best of moods thinking of things I needed to do, bills to pay, plus the other children and husband demands placed on me for the day. I was met with phone calls, and didn't receive the response I would have like to receive when I made a suggestion to someone close to me. My feelings got hurt! Bad. Was it serious? Nope, not at all. I just let it get the best of me. I needed to spend some with God. I needed that reminder of how grateful I should be. Things really aren't that bad. I was reminded of a mother I read about in one of Joyce Meyer's magazine. She is a single mother of 3 living in a remote part of the country. The twins were born premature, and very malnourished. The other child was about 4. Joyce Meyer's ministries has setup a hospital and feeding station in her area, but it's a two hour walk! I can't imagine! But she desperately needs the services for the babies, so she goes! When I looked at her picture she was smiling. WOW. She is grateful. She has to carry her twins on her back, and her other daughter helps her carry the grains for food they receive back to their little shack. The food lasts them a month, but they are grateful. It puts things in perspective, really fast. I am grateful. We are extremely blessed, and I know it's just a matter of time for our situation changes!!
Praise GOD! He really is Jehovah Jireh!! :-)
I didn't write this post for you to feel sorry for our family, I just like to be real and transparent. You never know who is in the same situation as you. You are not alone! But through this we have grown closer to the Lord, and that is worth more than 10 jobs and bank account full of money!! Remember don't worry, because "God's Got This"!! :-)