A few weeks ago my Pastor talked to us about Job. Everyone knows Job and the hardships he went through with God's approval...yet Job never cursed God. I mean he lost his kids, his servants, just about everything yet he continued to trust God. Even when his friends and wife thought he was crazy, he still trusted. I am sure he didn't like or approve what was going on but he knew God must have a plan if he was going through it. Our pastor then asked if there was anytime we cursed God during hardships....of course I said YES!
You may say a baby is not hardship, it's not devastating.... but I was mad. I was cursing God for our blessing. Why you ask?? How could I be mad at God for blessing us with a new baby? Babies are blessings right?! Well in my limited frame of thinking all I could see was the NOW...like how could God allow this to happen NOW when I asked multiple times for it not to, didn't He know our financial situation NOW?? Didn't He see the struggles we have, NOW? So yes I was mad! But God's ways and thoughts are not like ours..we don't touch the surface. He knows the end from the beginning, we only know the today and yesterday. Of course I repented because I was plain downright wrong, but I thank God for being merciful, forgiving and knowing how small our minds can be at times. He just wants us to trust Him. I have so many friends telling me who this baby could become, how God will use this child and I am getting excited. Mark is ready and already talking to my belly, lol. Kalena thinks she can see the baby through my belly button. :-) I can now say I am honored that He has chosen me AGAIN, lol, to carry one of His messengers onto this earth. I just pray we can continue to be the parents we need to be!
I remember hearing a pastor say that God will never give you a life that makes Him unnecessary...we are living proof of that. If God doesn't provide we don't have it. He uses my parents, family and friends to bless us, but I know they don't have to do what they do. It's all His favor! I don't say all this for sympathy, it's actually very very freeing when you totally surrender to God! It takes the pressure off you and puts it on Him where it should be. No, that does not mean we have no earthly responsibilities and we can just do whatever but it means that I will take David's advice in Psalm 131;
Lord, my heart is not proud;
my eyes are not haughty.
I don’t concern myself with matters too great
or too awesome for me to grasp.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—
now and always.
now and always.